If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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