Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
