She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
