Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
