What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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