"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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