I faked an abortion last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
