Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
