To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
