Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
