you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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