OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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