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Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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