my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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