After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
