I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
