Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
