Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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