you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
this is an emotional support booty call
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
