Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
