gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
