She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
