the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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