wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
