He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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