I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
