I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
