You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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