I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
