drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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