he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
