He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
