Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it hurts more in the daytime
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
