Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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