I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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