her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dude. I can hear the air.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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