it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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