I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
they're like a gay fantastic four
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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