It's Friday. Sex?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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