Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
