So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I faked an abortion last night.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
