if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
