You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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