You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this will be a night to untag.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
