Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
