i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
