Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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