my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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