I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
