Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this beer tastes like vomit already
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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