Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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