He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
