Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
