Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
